In Search of Clam Chowder: The Perils of Dining Out

The embarrassment of a situation can, once you are over it, be the funniest time in your life. And I suppose a lot of my comedy comes from painful moments or experiences in life, and you just flip them on their head.

Miranda Hart, Comedian

What a week, which was capped with what I have started thinking of as A Mom Experience. First some background, I left my home Tuesday night after a long workday, traveled a couple of hours to attend a concert in support of my children. Afterward, I was back in the car for another three hours of driving — which is fine, I don’t mind late-night solo drives, it gives me plenty of time to listen to audiobooks. But it made for a long day.

My interrupted drive delayed my arrival at Mom’s, so it was about 1:30 A.M. by the time I got to her house; where I found my typical bedroom occupied. I opted to sleep on the couch, a poor choice as it turns out, and I ended up completing my scanty sleep in the recliner; and then on to a ten-hour, stress-filled workday. Needless to say, I was too tired to cook dinner, and it was getting late, I suggested that we go get dinner somewhere. I asked Mom if she wanted me to just bring something back for her, but she wanted to get out of the house and go for a ride.

I loaded her up and didn’t think much of her being in her fuzzy, pink zip-up bathrobe, her hair sticking out erratically from an afternoon nap — cause I thought we were just going to a drive-through to pick up some fast food. Wrong! We did not get fast food.

She had a hankering for clam chowder and wanted to go to a sit-down place where she could get soup, not a fast food option; however, a sit-down restaurant does have soup. Applebees won out as it was getting late, almost 9:00 PM by then, it was open, and I was reasonably sure they had soup. So I found a comb in my car to tame her hair. We also discovered a tiara (a relic of my Tiara Tuesday’s social media foray), but she opted not to wear that into the restaurant because that might be embarrassing. (Insert wry grin.)

We made our way in, she in her robe, with me opening the doors before her. Greeting the host and other patrons, she announced that I had sprung her from the hospital to get her there — followed by, “Just kidding.” It’s a good thing I’m relatively beyond being embarrassed these days, I’ve learned to just roll with it, mostly. We were disappointed on the clam chowder front, it was not on the menu, so she opted for French onion soup instead, which she ultimately decided she didn’t care for after about two bites. But, she enjoyed her fish-n-chips and mashed potatoes — even though they had skins (which she doesn’t like and which she picked out/spit out into a napkin. The spinach artichoke dip served with fresh tortilla chips was a hit. All accompanied by a large Pepsi. What a woman!

We finished our meal in relative peace.

Preparing to leave took some time and effort. Time for Mom to finish her Pepsi, and considerable effort for her to get up from the table. We left the French onion soup behind, but like her mother before her, she gathered up the pre-packaged condiments to take home. And seeing this, the thought passed through my brain, she’s exhibiting the same kind of ding-a-lingy behavior my grandmother engaged in, in her later years. On reflection, is it perhaps just part of aging to lose social filters?

My Grandmother

Bonus, she didn’t fall into anyone on the way out, though she did say, “I’m falling for you,” to a young man as she clutched the table he was sitting at to steady herself as we made our way to the exit. Unfortunately, I had forgotten to bring her walker and only had one free hand because I was carrying the multiple takeout boxes for the food she didn’t finish — most of it — but we managed.

When I got her to the car I discovered she had wrapped up the leftover French fries I’d left on the plate in a napkin and stuffed them in her pocket. Such is dining out with Mom.

PS: I’m making clam chowder for her tonight for dinner. This recipe is from Cutestuff Cooks, the blog I created to share my recipes with my kids — and everyone else.

Tips for Dealing with Feelings of Embarrassment

Dealing with embarrassing situations involving elderly parents can be challenging, but there are several strategies to navigate these moments with grace and understanding:

Acceptance: Recognize that aging often comes with changes in behavior and cognition. Accept that embarrassing moments may occur and that it’s a natural part of the aging process.

Empathy: Put yourself in your parents’ shoes and try to understand their perspective. Aging can be a difficult and confusing time, and they may not always be aware of their actions or the impact they have on others.

Humor: Sometimes, the best way to handle embarrassment is to laugh it off. Finding humor in the situation can help diffuse tension and make everyone feel more comfortable.

Communication: Have open and honest conversations with your parents about their behavior and how it makes you feel. Approach the topic with empathy and understanding, and work together to find solutions that respect their autonomy while also addressing your concerns.

Set boundaries: Establish clear boundaries and expectations for behavior, while also respecting your parents’ dignity and autonomy. Communicate these boundaries calmly and respectfully, and enforce them consistently.

Seek support: Don’t be afraid to reach out to friends, family members, or support groups for guidance and support. Sharing your experiences with others who are going through similar situations can be incredibly helpful.

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Kind comments welcome, writing is how I process and cope the everchanging landscape of seeing my mother age before my eyes.